Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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