I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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