Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
