Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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