So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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