Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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