I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
