garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
need another drink. this is the easiest way
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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