i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We were destined to go to rehab together
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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