trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
