what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
