Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
