A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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