My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Are we still banned from the library?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
