it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
