I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
