Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
