Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
