omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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