my being single is dangerous.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Drunk is not a location!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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