who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
