when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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