Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
