remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
