If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
