I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
