their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
