I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
