watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
