You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
