I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
