3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
