Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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