Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
