oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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