Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
