I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
