when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
