we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize