so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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