woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
