I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
