dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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