i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
is wine microwaveable?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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