I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize