I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
