when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
