I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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