Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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