Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
