Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
