You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
