I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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