he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
