so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
