Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize