a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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