True but thats because hes a fetus.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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