smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
