either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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