After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
