I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
a search helicopter?!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
