I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
