I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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