you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
