i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
