weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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